CLUSTERFUCKSTUCK MASTERPOST

[rv]

oh dear god this au

CHRONOLOGY
=> Dave & John: Partake in one-sided accidental voyeurism. [ N S F W ]
=> Eridan & Sollux: Get drunk and attempt sexytimes. [ N S F W ]
=> Eridan & Sollux: Deal with hangovers and talk about feelings.
=> Eridan & Sollux: Consummate mutual UST-feelings. [ N S F W ]
=> Sollux & John: Get together.
=> Sollux & John: Roleplay. [ N S F W ]
=> John & Dave: Cry and get together. ==~*~== FINISHED ==~*~==

Comments

touch it bring it pay it watch it || zip-unzip it

[putthebunnyinthebox]

[He's having the hardest time stifling his giggles as he stands by his door, dressed in short shorts he "borrowed" from Jake's closet--John didn't want to know why his older brother had them, he really didn't--and a shirt he nicked from Jade's close that is hilariously small on him and ends around his mid-belly. This whole "roleplay" thing is new to him, and he doesn't care if he's doing it wrong; he'll look back on this one day like holy crap I remember the time I dressed in my sibling's clothes and played Computer Repair Man with Sollux. It'll be a story to tell to his children.]

[John sputters with laughter again before taking exaggerated calming breaths. Oh god, the things he does with other people when the house is empty. Granted, playtime with Sollux tends to get pretty sexual or drunk or both, unlike his other hanging out times. Sometimes he and Vriska cuddle mostly naked to naked in his bed on hot days, but it's nowhere near sexual for them; they're just really that comfortable with each other. But right now is not the time to think about naked cuddles with Vriska! It is time for shitty roleplaying.]

Oh, no, my computer has crashed! It's the blue screen of death, whatever shall I doooo? I hope the computer repair guy is on his way!

[John does not understand how anyone gets off on scenarios like this, but it's fucking funny and will end in some form of fucking, so it's okay. and hilarious. at least to him.]

[aliencereal]

[Sollux has the dorkiest sorta-boyfriend-mostly-fuck-buddy ever. Somehow, no matter how ridiculous John gets, Sollux is always vaguely surprised when he reaches the next level. Their sex life is no exception. He's wearing the pocket protector Karkat got him as a gag gift for his birthday for the first time, and only John could ever think something like this is a good idea in the bedroom.]

[And John is hardly drama club material, Sollux muses to himself as he sighs, rolls his bi-colored eyes behind his functional glasses, and steps into John's room from the hallway.]

Hello, Jo-- thir, I am here to fix your computer.

[He's even worse at emoting than John is, and this whole thing could come right out of Zack and Miri make a porno. Sollux crosses his arms over his chest, looking vaguely unimpressed.]

Where ith it?

[putthebunnyinthebox]

[John snickers horribly into his hand for a moment. Sollux's fucking pocket protector was the perfect touch, much better than John's intentionally stupid get-up. He manages to stop and then flops the back of his hand to his forhead, his other being used to point dramatically at his computer.]

Oh my goodness, so fast! It's right over there, and godspeed!

[He is the absolute worst and this and he does not care. Sollux will find the desktop littered with failed attempts at programming, all of which are either as bad, worse, or only slightly better than Karkat's attempts. John's remembered to put away his programming books this time around because he can't stand Dave mocking him for it, he doesn't need it from Sollux.]