Boy, the way you blowing up my phone won't make me put my clothes on faster.

BASICALLY PHONE SEX AND SEXTING THREADS ALL GO HERE.
Your name is KARKAT VANTAS and you have just arrived to your new home in SKAIA, a town far out in the country miles upon miles away from your old home in ALTERNIA.
And, really, calling this old dump a HOME is a stretch. The hive is made of wood with useless shit in it, and there's a giant field filled with WEEDS AND ROCKS just out back. Holy shit this place is a fucking dump, no wonder they expelled your ass to this nowhere land. At least there's a GUIDE waiting for you. He says he'll show you around, introduce you to everyone, and offers to let you try some of his pie later. Whatever that means. You're just glad you're not being flat out stranded in the middle of nowhere.
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You're not even into the actual town part of town when your GUIDE, another troll like you only with indigo blood, suddenly wanders off to GOD KNOWS WHERE. It's frustrating. He has successfully been your only company and then not your company at all in a span of five minutes. World fucking record right there. You look around, and notice that you are next to a FOUNTAIN, and from here you can see SHOPS in each direction, smell the warm scent of FRESHLY BAKED GOODS coming from somewhere due east, and if you squint you can see a REALLY NICE LOOKING BARN in the distance. You also hear the vague giggles of a girl saying something about pumpkins and what pumpkins was whoever she was speaking to talking about?
What goddamn fucking pumpkins indeed.
What will you do?